I was reading on this last night http://http//joy2meu.com/Fear.html and got into Thom's pages--and he really had very good thoughts on codependency and the power of healing. He's a therapist, and has written a lot on these subjects. I learned so much in the small time I read, and I can't wait to go back and read more when I'm not half asleep. Below is something I learned from his insight.
Healing is not about the destination "being healed", it's about the journey of healing. It's the process that teaches us so much. We need to learn to live in the present--not the past, and not the future. Society teaches us to think, I'll just be happy when.... What about right now, don't focus on the past, don't focus on the future, but appreciate what we are going through right at this moment. We are right where we need to be!!!
I've been on this sugar binge lately and I'm wondering if it's "emotional eating" or hormones or what. I'm going tomorrow to find out and get some help getting off sugar. While reading this and thinking about my sugar issue, I began to link the two; people with addictive personalities are feeling an emptiness in their soul. They look to fill this emptiness with something--typically we reach outward looking to relationships, alcohol, drugs, people and even food.
This reminds me of the the Sex and the City episode where Miranda gives up Sex and replaces it with chocolate. I just saw that episode a couple of weeks ago--and really laughed when she kept going back for MORE cake, and MORE cake and eventually ate the entire thing. That's me!!!!
I've not only given up sex, but I've also given up having a man in my life on a regular basis. I'm really adjusting well to life with no roller coasters, and I ENJOY being single. But, is it bad to want to share all of me with someone? Is it wrong to want to share our lives (my daughter and I) with someone? I have so much fun with her, I wish I had someone to laugh with, and share these times with, and cherish every moment. Is that wrong? But, I need to appreciate the NOW. I have my alone time with her now for a reason. She doesn't have to share me with anyone and vise versa. We are right where we need to be.
I'm a mom and much like Miranda I've replaced the man, and the alcohol with sugar--and any other food that's not good for me. I read last night, that usually people who are missing something in their soul look outwardly to fill that spot. I'm realizing now though, that in my journey I'm going to 300 lbs if I don't replace the food with someone that'll actually fill that emptiness in my soul (with zero calories). I cannot do it with people (although friends are good to have, and help us though our journey), I cannot do it with alcohol, or material, or food. I need to really search within myself to find out what it is that's causing me to feel discontent, and find a way to create harmony within my entire being.
Discontent
1. Court coming up for visitation
2. P in my life. Uncertainty is scary
3. Money (just until I get my emergency fund built up)
4. Work issues
The next post will involve bringing harmony to my life in spite of these issues. I will need a plan for these issues also, and if I'm integrating the Law of Attraction, they'll need to be all about what I would like to see happen.
Here's my daily quote from Abraham-Hicks
There is no risk for you. When you come to understand the true nature of Well-being in which you have come forth--then you can relax and begin to enjoy this magnificent adventure which is your creative life experience. We are not here to guide the specifics of that which you choose. You get to choose that, and you can't get it wrong. We are here to assist you--only to assist you--in finding vibrational harmony with your desire; knowing that when you find vibrational harmony with your desire, you are, in this moment, a joyful Being. And that is our dominant wish for you
Showing posts with label Law of Attraction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Law of Attraction. Show all posts
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Saturday, March 8, 2008
To Be or Not to Be--A Vibrational Match
"These beings, that are acting out in those ways that you find so awful, are tormented and suffering in ways that you will not understand. Their horrible acts are extensions of that pain. We also have to say to you -- no one who is not a vibrational match to that could be their victim."--- Abraham
This quote was worth saving and coming back to. I copied it from my Detachment post because I was reminded of it. Looking back at the thoughts this quote provoked then and the thoughts now shows me that I've made progress in the healing process. In addition to healing, I think a substantial amount of growth has taken place.
Here are the thoughts I now have after reading this quote.
Because of my codependency--I was attracted to my qualifier (the alcoholic). It was because of these issues that I had gotten into that mess in the first place. I wasn't even aware of what the meaning of codependency was until I started attending Al-Anon meetings. Had I known, I might have seen how unhealthy my thinking was and how unhealthy he was for me. But, I wasn't aware then; boy, am I aware now.
I was sick, not in the same way as the alcoholic, but I'm sure the vibrations were a match. He was needy and I loved to feel needed. The fact that he needed someone to help him keep his life together made me feel good about myself. I think we, as women are taught that this is our role; it's our job to take care of everyone else. Someone who was so needy made me feel like I had worth. Boy, did I have the definition of self-worth wrong. I forgot about that "self" part. Now, I know the meaning of self worth. That will be a post all by itself.
As painful as the memories may be, the key here is to recognize how I got there and the patterns that led up to it. By acknowledging this and learning from it, I can prevent the pattern from continuing. So, by changing MY vibrations (ie. getting MY LIFE and MY HEAD together) I take back that power. We attract vibrations similar to our own. I am no longer the victim.
I remember a conversation with my counselor months ago about how scary it seemed to date a man who doesn't need me for anything. It seemed so foreign and just the thought terrified me! This was the reason I kept going back. This was the reason I felt security with the alcoholic. What guarantee would I have with a man who had it so together that he didn't depend on me for anything? Why would he want to be with me and what would keep him there?
Acknowledging these deep down thoughts that many people feel, but are ashamed to admit was the very first step in my recovery. This was a huge revelation to me. I no longer want anyone to need me. I want (notice I said want and not need) someone in my life who is whole all by them self. I want someone in my life because they "want" to be there. Then, and only then, will we both be there for the right reasons. So, because I am "whole" on my own, I can and will attract the same. This way of thinking is so refreshing! Oh--and, what would keep him there? I'm a pretty fun person, as well as attractive, intellegent, stable, independent, kind, loving person, and the more comfortable I become with someone, the more fun I become! Why wouldn't he want to stay????
God Bless!
This quote was worth saving and coming back to. I copied it from my Detachment post because I was reminded of it. Looking back at the thoughts this quote provoked then and the thoughts now shows me that I've made progress in the healing process. In addition to healing, I think a substantial amount of growth has taken place.
Here are the thoughts I now have after reading this quote.
Because of my codependency--I was attracted to my qualifier (the alcoholic). It was because of these issues that I had gotten into that mess in the first place. I wasn't even aware of what the meaning of codependency was until I started attending Al-Anon meetings. Had I known, I might have seen how unhealthy my thinking was and how unhealthy he was for me. But, I wasn't aware then; boy, am I aware now.
I was sick, not in the same way as the alcoholic, but I'm sure the vibrations were a match. He was needy and I loved to feel needed. The fact that he needed someone to help him keep his life together made me feel good about myself. I think we, as women are taught that this is our role; it's our job to take care of everyone else. Someone who was so needy made me feel like I had worth. Boy, did I have the definition of self-worth wrong. I forgot about that "self" part. Now, I know the meaning of self worth. That will be a post all by itself.
As painful as the memories may be, the key here is to recognize how I got there and the patterns that led up to it. By acknowledging this and learning from it, I can prevent the pattern from continuing. So, by changing MY vibrations (ie. getting MY LIFE and MY HEAD together) I take back that power. We attract vibrations similar to our own. I am no longer the victim.
I remember a conversation with my counselor months ago about how scary it seemed to date a man who doesn't need me for anything. It seemed so foreign and just the thought terrified me! This was the reason I kept going back. This was the reason I felt security with the alcoholic. What guarantee would I have with a man who had it so together that he didn't depend on me for anything? Why would he want to be with me and what would keep him there?
Acknowledging these deep down thoughts that many people feel, but are ashamed to admit was the very first step in my recovery. This was a huge revelation to me. I no longer want anyone to need me. I want (notice I said want and not need) someone in my life who is whole all by them self. I want someone in my life because they "want" to be there. Then, and only then, will we both be there for the right reasons. So, because I am "whole" on my own, I can and will attract the same. This way of thinking is so refreshing! Oh--and, what would keep him there? I'm a pretty fun person, as well as attractive, intellegent, stable, independent, kind, loving person, and the more comfortable I become with someone, the more fun I become! Why wouldn't he want to stay????
God Bless!
Instant manifestation
Here's the latest Abraham-Hicks Quote--I like it.
Be glad that you don't have instant manifestation. This buffer of time is really your friend. It's your opportunity to observe and to ponder and to visualize, and to remember. It's your opportunity to take an Emotional Journey that might be different from what you're actually observing.
Be glad that you don't have instant manifestation. This buffer of time is really your friend. It's your opportunity to observe and to ponder and to visualize, and to remember. It's your opportunity to take an Emotional Journey that might be different from what you're actually observing.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Beliefs...
Is this all our beliefs are? Pretty basic...
A quote from http://www.abraham-hicks.com/
The thought that you think, you think, which attracts to it; so you think it some more, which attracts to it; so you think it some more. In other words, when you have an expectation, you've got a dominant thought going on, and Law of Attraction is going to deliver that to you again, and again and again. And you say "The reason that I believe this, is because it is true." And we say, the reason that you believe it, is because you've practiced the thought. All that a belief is, is a thought that you keep practicing.
A quote from http://www.abraham-hicks.com/
The thought that you think, you think, which attracts to it; so you think it some more, which attracts to it; so you think it some more. In other words, when you have an expectation, you've got a dominant thought going on, and Law of Attraction is going to deliver that to you again, and again and again. And you say "The reason that I believe this, is because it is true." And we say, the reason that you believe it, is because you've practiced the thought. All that a belief is, is a thought that you keep practicing.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Fairy Tales Do Exist
Below is an email I recieved from a friend talking about love and relationships.....maybe we just need to throw away the picture we have in our minds or maybe we need to KEEP the picture and just broaden our view... either way, we know we need to focus on what we want rather than what we don't want; we also need to quit imagining a "fairy tale" because that's just not realistic.
...It really hit me, what you said about aligning your vibration with what you want instead of what you don't want. I think I spend so much time identifying what hits me wrong or feels "off" that that tends to be what I mostly see. And it can take at least a day of being together for my focus to shift to how fabulous and loving he is...
I think many times, we are afraid that when a person comes into our life--if they don't fit that picture EXACTLY as it is in our head, then, maybe they're not the one, and maybe we're selling ourselves short. Maybe we're selling ourselves short because there is 1 or 2 small things that don't match our tiny little picture of what the "fairy tale" should look like.
I sure know what you mean about fear that the experience won't be "exactly" like the picture you have in your head. When it doesn't conform perfectly to the picture in our heads--is that a sure clue that it isn't the right thing? Or is it that our pictures aren't broad enough to make room for the "real" thing that includes loving, decent, warm, vulnerable, flawed, partners who challenge us to stretch our hearts further...accept differences...and cherish the perfect imperfect reality?
Daily Quotation
When you're vibrating purely, you get only what's a match to that. It's your ambivalence: "I like that but I don't like that... I like that but I don't like that..." that keeps what you like and what you don't like coming at you all the time. You don't have to "turn the other cheek" when you are in vibrational harmony only with what you want. Then, only what you want comes. --- Abraham
...It really hit me, what you said about aligning your vibration with what you want instead of what you don't want. I think I spend so much time identifying what hits me wrong or feels "off" that that tends to be what I mostly see. And it can take at least a day of being together for my focus to shift to how fabulous and loving he is...
I think many times, we are afraid that when a person comes into our life--if they don't fit that picture EXACTLY as it is in our head, then, maybe they're not the one, and maybe we're selling ourselves short. Maybe we're selling ourselves short because there is 1 or 2 small things that don't match our tiny little picture of what the "fairy tale" should look like.
I sure know what you mean about fear that the experience won't be "exactly" like the picture you have in your head. When it doesn't conform perfectly to the picture in our heads--is that a sure clue that it isn't the right thing? Or is it that our pictures aren't broad enough to make room for the "real" thing that includes loving, decent, warm, vulnerable, flawed, partners who challenge us to stretch our hearts further...accept differences...and cherish the perfect imperfect reality?
...the perfect, imperfect reality. I like that. I also like the idea that maybe our pictures aren't broad enough to make room for the "real" thing, because I haven't completely identified what I would like to find in the "real" thing.
Once, someone asked me what I was looking for in a relationship. What I was looking for was not on the tip of my tongue --however, what I was NOT looking for was on the tip of my tongue. What I was not looking for was exactly what I kept attracting. This is what I'm beginning to understand about energy. In the past, I was so busy focusing on what I didn't want, rather than what I did want. It's now time to focus on what I would like in my life and forget about what I would not like. Now that the picture has broadened, and I have evolved, I (and only I) have the power to make my "fairy tale" come true.
This quote applies from http://www.Abraham-Hicks.comDaily Quotation
When you're vibrating purely, you get only what's a match to that. It's your ambivalence: "I like that but I don't like that... I like that but I don't like that..." that keeps what you like and what you don't like coming at you all the time. You don't have to "turn the other cheek" when you are in vibrational harmony only with what you want. Then, only what you want comes. --- Abraham
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Learning Detachment
The topic for tonight's Al-anon meeting was Detachment. The following is the reading I read from "Courage to Change" pg. 199.
Two of those closest to me were newly-recovering alcoholics. During the drinking years, I had become so enmeshed with them and their self destructive behavior that I lost sight of the idea that I could be happy even if they were depressed; I could live a serene life even if they went back to drinking. The turning point in my Al-Anon recovery came when someone said to me, "You'll have to learn to make it whether the alcoholics do or not."
From that day on I tried to keep in mind that I had my own life and my own destiny. Once I began to separate my welfare from that of the alcoholics, I found it was easier to detach from the decisions they made about how and where, and when and with whom to conduct their lives. Because my fate--my very life--was no longer tied directly to theirs, I was able to accept them for who they were and to listen to their ideas and concerns without trying to exercise control. Thanks to Al-Anon, I can concentrate my energy where I do have some control--over my own life.
Todays Reminder--My time is too precious to waste living in the future or worrying about something over which I have no power. I am building a wonderful life for myself today.
This reading spoke to me. I thought I was detached the day I pushed-no, shoved him out of my life for good. I am speaking about the father of my child who swept me off my feet and then just about destroyed me. "...I had become so enmeshed with them (him and his family and friends) and their self-destructive behavior that I lost sight of the idea that I could be happy...that I could live a serene life...You'll have to learn to make it whether the alcoholics do or not...I had my own life and my own destiny...separate my welfare from that of the alcoholics, easier to detach from the decisions they made about how and where, and when and with whom to conduct their lives...my fate--my very life--was no longer tied directly to theirs, ...Thanks to Al-Anon, I can concentrate my energy where I do have some control--over my own life...."
I look back now, and see how my perception of everything in life had changed during my life with the alcoholic. I sunk deeper and deeper into the path of self destruction from the emotional abuse of living with an alcoholic. I HAD become so enmeshed with them and their unhealthy ways I had lost sight of the idea that I could be happy. I was so wrapped up in controlling the very thing I had no control over. He never did stop drinking but, I now realize that my life can be serene and that I can make it whether the alcoholic does or not. I have my own life and my own destiny. It took me leaving him to detach and to separate my welfare from that of the alcoholic. I no longer have to worry about how and where, and when and with whom he is living his life. I am able to separate and realize that my fate--my very life--is no longer directly tied to his. Thanks to Al-Anon, I can concentrate my energy where I do have some control--over my own life.
I don't know that I am able to detach with love. I don't know at what point I will be able to. Right now, the whole "with love" part is very scary to me. I'm not ready to let down that wall. I feel like by letting down that wall--he will have some power over me. I will NEVER give him that power back. I have regained power over my life and will live a life filled with love-- without the need to control. Detachment is good. I realize that by reacting to him and his unhealthiness gives him power. This past weekend I saw a message on a church message board. "He who angers you controls you".
Today's Reminder is good. My time is too precious to waste living in the future or worrying about something over which I have no power. I am building a wonderful life for myself today. I can feel that! I mean it with my whole heart! What a great feeling that is! That is growth!
I'd like to post one more quote from the Abraham-Hicks.com site from 1/27/08.
"These beings, that are acting out in those ways that you find so awful, are tormented and suffering in ways that you will not understand. Their horrible acts are extensions of that pain. We also have to say to you -- no one who is not a vibrational match to that could be their victim."--- Abraham
It's all about creating what I want in life, upon doing so, the alcoholic will have no power over me.
Two of those closest to me were newly-recovering alcoholics. During the drinking years, I had become so enmeshed with them and their self destructive behavior that I lost sight of the idea that I could be happy even if they were depressed; I could live a serene life even if they went back to drinking. The turning point in my Al-Anon recovery came when someone said to me, "You'll have to learn to make it whether the alcoholics do or not."
From that day on I tried to keep in mind that I had my own life and my own destiny. Once I began to separate my welfare from that of the alcoholics, I found it was easier to detach from the decisions they made about how and where, and when and with whom to conduct their lives. Because my fate--my very life--was no longer tied directly to theirs, I was able to accept them for who they were and to listen to their ideas and concerns without trying to exercise control. Thanks to Al-Anon, I can concentrate my energy where I do have some control--over my own life.
Todays Reminder--My time is too precious to waste living in the future or worrying about something over which I have no power. I am building a wonderful life for myself today.
This reading spoke to me. I thought I was detached the day I pushed-no, shoved him out of my life for good. I am speaking about the father of my child who swept me off my feet and then just about destroyed me. "...I had become so enmeshed with them (him and his family and friends) and their self-destructive behavior that I lost sight of the idea that I could be happy...that I could live a serene life...You'll have to learn to make it whether the alcoholics do or not...I had my own life and my own destiny...separate my welfare from that of the alcoholics, easier to detach from the decisions they made about how and where, and when and with whom to conduct their lives...my fate--my very life--was no longer tied directly to theirs, ...Thanks to Al-Anon, I can concentrate my energy where I do have some control--over my own life...."
I look back now, and see how my perception of everything in life had changed during my life with the alcoholic. I sunk deeper and deeper into the path of self destruction from the emotional abuse of living with an alcoholic. I HAD become so enmeshed with them and their unhealthy ways I had lost sight of the idea that I could be happy. I was so wrapped up in controlling the very thing I had no control over. He never did stop drinking but, I now realize that my life can be serene and that I can make it whether the alcoholic does or not. I have my own life and my own destiny. It took me leaving him to detach and to separate my welfare from that of the alcoholic. I no longer have to worry about how and where, and when and with whom he is living his life. I am able to separate and realize that my fate--my very life--is no longer directly tied to his. Thanks to Al-Anon, I can concentrate my energy where I do have some control--over my own life.
I don't know that I am able to detach with love. I don't know at what point I will be able to. Right now, the whole "with love" part is very scary to me. I'm not ready to let down that wall. I feel like by letting down that wall--he will have some power over me. I will NEVER give him that power back. I have regained power over my life and will live a life filled with love-- without the need to control. Detachment is good. I realize that by reacting to him and his unhealthiness gives him power. This past weekend I saw a message on a church message board. "He who angers you controls you".
Today's Reminder is good. My time is too precious to waste living in the future or worrying about something over which I have no power. I am building a wonderful life for myself today. I can feel that! I mean it with my whole heart! What a great feeling that is! That is growth!
I'd like to post one more quote from the Abraham-Hicks.com site from 1/27/08.
"These beings, that are acting out in those ways that you find so awful, are tormented and suffering in ways that you will not understand. Their horrible acts are extensions of that pain. We also have to say to you -- no one who is not a vibrational match to that could be their victim."--- Abraham
It's all about creating what I want in life, upon doing so, the alcoholic will have no power over me.
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