To Be or Not to Be--A Vibrational Match

"These beings, that are acting out in those ways that you find so awful, are tormented and suffering in ways that you will not understand. Their horrible acts are extensions of that pain. We also have to say to you -- no one who is not a vibrational match to that could be their victim."--- Abraham

This quote was worth saving and coming back to. I copied it from my Detachment post because I was reminded of it. Looking back at the thoughts this quote provoked then and the thoughts now shows me that I've made progress in the healing process. In addition to healing, I think a substantial amount of growth has taken place.

Here are the thoughts I now have after reading this quote.

Because of my codependency--I was attracted to my qualifier (the alcoholic). It was because of these issues that I had gotten into that mess in the first place. I wasn't even aware of what the meaning of codependency was until I started attending Al-Anon meetings. Had I known, I might have seen how unhealthy my thinking was and how unhealthy he was for me. But, I wasn't aware then; boy, am I aware now.

I was sick, not in the same way as the alcoholic, but I'm sure the vibrations were a match. He was needy and I loved to feel needed. The fact that he needed someone to help him keep his life together made me feel good about myself. I think we, as women are taught that this is our role; it's our job to take care of everyone else. Someone who was so needy made me feel like I had worth. Boy, did I have the definition of self-worth wrong. I forgot about that "self" part. Now, I know the meaning of self worth. That will be a post all by itself.

As painful as the memories may be, the key here is to recognize how I got there and the patterns that led up to it. By acknowledging this and learning from it, I can prevent the pattern from continuing. So, by changing MY vibrations (ie. getting MY LIFE and MY HEAD together) I take back that power. We attract vibrations similar to our own. I am no longer the victim.

I remember a conversation with my counselor months ago about how scary it seemed to date a man who doesn't need me for anything. It seemed so foreign and just the thought terrified me! This was the reason I kept going back. This was the reason I felt security with the alcoholic. What guarantee would I have with a man who had it so together that he didn't depend on me for anything? Why would he want to be with me and what would keep him there?

Acknowledging these deep down thoughts that many people feel, but are ashamed to admit was the very first step in my recovery. This was a huge revelation to me. I no longer want anyone to need me. I want (notice I said want and not need) someone in my life who is whole all by them self. I want someone in my life because they "want" to be there. Then, and only then, will we both be there for the right reasons. So, because I am "whole" on my own, I can and will attract the same. This way of thinking is so refreshing! Oh--and, what would keep him there? I'm a pretty fun person, as well as attractive, intellegent, stable, independent, kind, loving person, and the more comfortable I become with someone, the more fun I become! Why wouldn't he want to stay????

God Bless!