Day 4 Mountain Biking

Well, today, was the most intense mountain biking I've done. My legs were shaking at the top of some of our climbs and it takes A LOT to make my legs tired. In every direction the view was incredible. Sometimes it doesn't even seem real, but it IS real. I realized today--I thought about this trip as the trip of a lifetime...I haven't thought about any trip like that since I was single and traveled to Vail. I've got my life back! The temperature was 64 degrees. It just seems to get better and better.

I have to write down the menu for the day...

Breakfast--oatmeal w/ raisins

Snack--1/4 of a chocolate bar

Lunch--Spinach and Avocado on toast w/ some vegetarian Chili

Snack--energy bar

Dinner--Rice and Spinach heated and topped with avacado, shredded carrots, onion, sweet potato, cucumber and soy sauce.

Dinner was GREAT, I don't want to forget about this meal, it's kind of a spin off Japanese food.

Alright, another night I am absolutely exhausted! Off to bed...

Tomorrow is park and library with my daughter and then native american art and running on some of the trails we mtn biked today, and then tomorrow night, off to hear Liza B speak at the Vegetarian meeting...

Meditation

Day 3 Zion National Park

AMAZING!!!

I cannot believe I have never been here before! It is absolutely amazing! We had a great hike through the snow. Yes, snow! Apparently there is never snow on the trail here. We only wore tennis shoes so were were not able to get to the summit on Angels Landing. Although, I tried! P felt it was getting too risky so he opted to stop. At that point, I could not stop without seeing if I could make it. I climbed about 1/2 was up and then it got very steep and icy and you had to support your body weight by pulling yourself along on the chains provided; I knew I could make it up, but thought about sliding down with no traction. The chains were intermittent and I had reached the point where there were less chains and just trees and snow covered rocks to hang on to. There was no room for error on this trail. That's what made it so exciting--life on the edge LITERALLY!

After that, we hiked another short trail that was just amazing. The views are spectacular on this place! It was an amazing day!!!! I couldn't have asked for more!

Day 2 Snow Canyon/Letting Love In

Now if I only knew how to mediate...

Today we hiked. This photo is at Snow Canyon--a State Park just outside of the City. Yesterday we hiked there, and I thought what a great place to just come and lay on a rock and "reflect"...I think it would be a great place to meditate also--maybe before my next trip I will learn. Next trip? Will there be a next trip?

This morning we went to Starbucks for coffee where I met P's friends that he has coffee with every Sunday morning. Most of which are runners and one 90 year old lady who is a riot! One lady even offered to let me use her stroller! Two of the ladies offered to babysit, so that's how I got away today for a short hike by myself. I actually took the same trail today as we did yesterday. Talk about a creature of habit! I wanted to run this trail and I didn't want to take a chance of getting lost, especially since I had already burned up over an hour of my two hours of "free time". Thank God P had already told me not to worry if I was running late, he would take care of getting my little girl from the babsitter. So, once I got there, I ran. I felt light on my feet after hiking w/ a 25 pound child on my back earlier that day and the previous day. I felt like I was bouncing up over rocks and had endless energy. What a great place to be!!!

Tomorrow, it's off to Zion National Park--I hear the hiking is spectacular there!

B.T.W--things are going very well with P. It's amazing sometimes how EASY it is to be around him. We are just on the same page in some areas--the important areas. He is amazing with my daughter and just a pleasure to be with. He also understands the need for "alone" time--so that makes it very easy to get away to just think. I think it's all very healthy.

My reading today from Until Today was pretty on track today too. Not that I'm saying it's love...just entertaining the idea of letting love in...

I will know love when I realize...the goodness of love is it's presence!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The voice of love is always calling out to you. It is whispering gently into your heart, reminding you, "I am here for you! I love you just as you are!" Love offers you everything you need and desire. Love wants to give those things and more because love recognizes the jewl that you are. Do you recognize the jewel that love is and offers?

Love wants to hold you, comfort and lift you. Love knows you! It knows what you have to offer life. More important, you don't have to work to get love! The only work love requires of you is the work you must do on yourself. Work on your heart, your mind, your behavior, your false notions about love that have caused the pain, confusions and despair you believe have something to do with love. While you are working on yourself, love wants you to beware! Keep your eyes open because there are many things masquerading as love that are not at all loving.

Love will not leave you, nor will it ever dishonor you. Love will not rush you. Love will not come to take anything from you. Love gives to you! Love protects you! Love is the voice of God whispering to you from within yourself. The voice of love tells you that God loves you right now! No matter where you are or what you have done. The voice of love is asking you to tell love where you hurt, tell love why you hurt, tell love how you got hurt. Love wants you to know that it doesn't matter who hurt you, why they hurt you or how long you have been hurting. Love wants you to know that just a little bit of God will heal you!

Until today you may not have realized that the voice of love is God's voice calling out to you. You may have been so busy trying to find love that you were not available to hear its call. Just for today, listen closely for the voice of love. Be diligent in remembering that love is always available to care for you and heal whatever is ailing you.

Today I am devoted to identifying the voice of love when it speaks to me!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh, and by the way--it was 60 degrees here today!!!!

Leaving on a jet plane....

I leave for vacation tomorrow. I'm going to see this man whom I've gotten close to. He's good to me. He scares me a little--because he's soooo got it together. But, when I'm with him my fear goes away. He treats me like an equal. I actually feel like an equal. This is different for me.

When I was with the alcoholic, I either felt lesser or I felt superior. As I was packing, I was trying on clothes and put on an all black outfit that looked very sleek and sexy. As I looked in the mirror, I could see this woman who looked stunning, but was being screamed at and tossed around and around and around by a man who is sick. All of these feelings came rushing back. I immediately became fearful, angry, sad and not so confident. It was at this point that I had a glimpse of who and where I was not that long ago. I told myself to let go of all of that and focus on the positive in my life. I need to focus on what I would like to happen in my life. I AM worthy. I AM beautiful and I AM intellegent. I also had to convince myself again to trust.

I have to trust myself, my heart and my judgements. I have to trust that I--nobody else-- I "teach" people how to treat me. I must trust with my whole heart that I will stand up for myself no matter what. I have to trust that this man who I've knowns for about 7 months really is the man who he has appeared to be. I"m trusting...that this is a new chapter in my life. It's time to throw away all of those old fears and insecurities. Life is good! I am capable of loving and being loved.

So, my bags are packed and I am going on vacation! I trust this will be a great trip! I will hike, mountain bike, and run in the sunshine! I will feel strong and feel good! I have taken the hard steps to get to where I'm at and I deserve this! Thank you God for putting "safe" people in my path that are now in my "circle". I'm so thankful for healthy friends!! I am tossing out those rocks one by one and I'm replacing them with the most beautiful memories of the forest!

Beliefs...

Is this all our beliefs are? Pretty basic...

A quote from http://www.abraham-hicks.com/

The thought that you think, you think, which attracts to it; so you think it some more, which attracts to it; so you think it some more. In other words, when you have an expectation, you've got a dominant thought going on, and Law of Attraction is going to deliver that to you again, and again and again. And you say "The reason that I believe this, is because it is true." And we say, the reason that you believe it, is because you've practiced the thought. All that a belief is, is a thought that you keep practicing.

I will know love when I realize...

This weekend was a pretty quiet weekend. I spent it cleaning, and organizing and doing laundry. This quiet time allows me to get more in touch with my inner being. I came to acknowledge some insecurities regarding relationships. There's nothing that makes you more aware of insecurities than getting involved! As a single person, I feel very healthy, and like I've got it all together! I feel like I really have a lot to offer somebody, and boy--is he a fool is he doesn't see that! I don't need anybody--but I would like somebody to enjoy life with. During the past few months, for the first time, I've actually sat down and admitted to myself what I am looking for in a relationship.

The other day, I was reading ASK AND IT IS GIVEN, and I read a part that said--all you have to do is focus on what you want in life, and if you focus on it enough you will attain exactly that. Whoa, for a minute I freaked out! As much as I would like to share my life with someone, I am scared to death! I realized after I had read that phrase, and realized that I was doing exactly that! So, that means, if I continue to do what I was doing, the man of my dreams would be there and my love life to actually work out....whoa! wait a minute, are you sure that's really what you want? Yes, I'm sure that's what I really want! But, what about--NO, there is no "but what about", I realized at that moment that there is a part of me that fears making that lasting commitment to someone--anyone. I feel this is the reason that I have not allowed the stable, nice, relationship material guys into my heart. I was afraid. Someone once said, what would we do differently in our lives if we had no fear? hmmmmm......that's a good question!

Seven months ago,I met a man. I wasn't sure if I was interested in him or not, but we had some common interests, so we would have lunch together occasionally. Occasional lunches soon turned into renting a movie while talking all the way through it, which soon after--turned into skipping the movie and just talking over a glass of wine. We had great conversations most of which stuck with me for days, weeks, and even months.

Early on, I remember the feeling of nervousness when I would see or talk to him. I remember a feeling of unsureness and insecurity. I remember being incredibly intimidated and second guessing every word I said to this soft-spoken, gentle man who showed no judgement and seeminly had it all together. Having just gotten out of a relationship, I knew the last thing I wanted was something romantic. So, we decided a friendship was best for the time being. Because of this decision, I didn't run the other way in fear. I'm sure I would've if the expectations would've been more than friends early on because he intimidated the heck out of me! I slowly dealt with those insecurities on a friendship level while spending more and more time with him. As I got to know him, I became very comfortable with him and really grew to like this man. Because of many circumstances we went our separate ways for a few months. One month ago, we saw each other and spent 4 days together. We had a wonderful time! I walked away from that long wekeend with the phrase engrained in my mind, "I love you not only for who you are, but who I am when I'm with you". Maintaining contact by phone, I still feel those insecurities and fears until I'm with him. I am travelling to see him in one week. Even though it feels like it'll never get here, I am both very excited and nervous. Those insecurities managed to creep back in. These are my issues I need to resolve. I realized my way of coping with these feelings is just to not allow myself to think about our time together. It's interesting that I came upon this reading tonight. This says it all!



Below is from UNTIL TODAY by Iyanla Vanzant
I sat down to do some reading and opened to February 24, this was the reading....

I will know love when I realize...
the fibers of a relationship are constructed from the fibers in my heart.

Are you relationship material? The question is not are you looking for a relationship? Nor is it do you want a relationship? The question is, are you a clear example of the stuff a relationship is made of?

In order to be relationship material you must be able to open your heart to someone, and you must know what to do when they open their heart to you. You must be absolutely okay with every little thing that you know to be true about you. Now here's the kicker. Once you see yourself, you must be willing to allow others to see you exactly as you are! You must be able to stand before another person without fear, without excuses and with all of your defenses down. And if you cannot, you may not be relationship material.

If you are relationship material, you are trusting and trustworthy. If you are relationship material, when your dark hour is upon you, there is a light switch inside of you that you know how to turn on. By the same token, when your partner faces his/her own darkness, you are there. You don't fall apart because he/she seems to be falling apart.

In order to be relationship material, you must take a risk, tell the truth, trust that you will be heard. You must lay down all defenses, expectations and judgments. You must give without taking, grow without overshadowing, bend without feeling broken and know without doubt. Most important of all, you must know exactly what you want and be willing to ask for it, knowing exactly what you are willing to do if you do not get it.

Until today, you may not have realized what it takes to be relationship-ready. Just for today, ask yourself questions in order to discover whether you are ready to have the relationship you are seeking.

Today I am devoted to getting myself in shape for a relationship!

That said it all. I see I have a lot of "getting in shape" to do if I'm going to be relationship ready. We need to open ourselves up, take risks and be vulnerable. That's the beauty of it all. This time, I am not going to stop short of it all--I'm going to work through the insecurities and not let fear control me. I can learn and grow from these fears. I am relationship material!