More on God--what does my heart feel?

Which of the ideas fill me w/ a more joyous feeling? Well, the answer is obvious.

1) It allows me to let go of a God of judgement, and therefore, allows me to let go of judging myself and/or these feelings of not measuring up in the eyes of Christianity because I'm not living my life God's way. So, to let go of that, takes a huge weight off my shoulders!

2) Without judgement and stipulations, I'm more inclined to have a stronger relationship w/ this God who provides "unconditional love". Step 2 is about admitting that I need God to restore my sanity, but Step 3 is actually about making the decision to turn it over to God as we know Him. I think up until last night's meeting, I gave up turning anything over to God.
Now, I'm seeing that I may need to reconsider; who would I rather have a relationship with--a God who's love is conditional and full of judgement and has a very narrow view or picture for conformity? Or, is it a God who not only knows and wants all of my desires, but One who loves unconditionally? The answer to that is EASY! I want the unconditional love and acceptance for just being me.

3) It makes me feel like I have "control" of my life after all. I think turning my life over to Christianity caused me to just "go w/ the flow" rather than "lead" because I felt I would be "led" where I was meant to go. So, thinking about my life in terms of it being what I make it--is empowering. I can believe God is within us--that would explain my strength at times I didn't think I had the strength, and that would explain the words when I didn't have the words and the wisdom when I didn't know. God within us also explains peace, love, kindness and joy because God is all of these.

Now, maybe I had something screwed up with my belief system before, or maybe that's exactly what I was taught, but whatever the reason, my beliefs in the past have not really worked for the betterment of my life and my well being. So, I"m willing to try something new. I'm experimenting w/ this. :-) That's kind of where I'm at. I'm not looking to adopt anyone elses beliefs--but to explore the beliefs of others and figure out what works for me. I had a great conversation with my mom today about this, and it was a conversation where it seemed we were on the same page. Interesting....