The Whole Package

This weekend I asked P where things stand with us. Are we exclusive? Are we dating? Are we just friends? What are we?

He told me he has a plan for his future and he's not sure about the logistics. I have a job, and I have a small child. He's not sure about how we can fit into his plan for the future. Part of me thinks he's thinking too much rather than "just being". We had a nice time last summer, and we had two great visits this winter. But, he's a bit overwhelmed with all of the dedication a small child takes. I told him to wait until he comes here for the summer and see how things go--he can take or leave the chaos of us.

His thoughts on that are--that's not reality...that's not real life.

No, that's not real life, but that allows him to adjust gradually rather than throwing all of this at him at once. I have a couple thoughts I haven't expressed to him yet...

1. Life is what happens when you're busy making plans.
2. He knew when he met me that I was a package deal--at no point did I hide the fact that I had a child. So, why now? Why wasn't this thought about before hearts got involved?
3. If someone would have spelled out to me everything that was going to change in my life as a result of having a child--I would've freaked out! I may not have wanted a child! But, now that I have her and know her and love her, I wouldn't change it for the world. Life without a child would be so empty and cold and grey. But, looking in from the outside, I guess it could be overwhelming.

I guess, at some point I need to have these conversations. Someone said to me once, either you're a family person or your not. There's no thinking about it.

Does anybody think that's true? Is it that cut and dry?
Is it possible he is just very cautious and has to have a plan?
I feel that if he does decide we are what he wants, he's in it for the long haul...but he's very cautious in this decision.

Part of me says be patient and see what he comes up with--he's worth the wait. (and the feeling of vulnerability)

The other part of me says it shouldn't be this hard. Bye bye now.

I never want to wonder "what if...." , so, for now I will wait.