What next?

I thought/think I have accepted step one and step two--until yesterday. I was served with papers for court regarding visitation with my 14 month old and her father (an abusive alcoholic). Now I need to decide if I'm going to spend thousands on attorney fees to get the same result as if I spend none.

Letting him have her every other weekend will mean she goes on his drunken snowmobile trips, drunken camping trips and drunken concerts. He is out of town all of the time. Everything revolves around happy hour. Dinner, traveling, my daughter will be in a smoky bar Friday night, Saturday afternoon and Sunday. What court would give visitation knowing this? From what I've read and heard, all of them. Not to mention this man does not respect women--never did and never will. His daughter will not be any different. It makes me sick to think of how he will try to buy her, and manipulate her, and show her this life.

This is the reason I left him. I can not raise my daughter in this lifestyle. So, now I'm wondering what to do. Do I let go of the control? Do I fight with everything I've got? I need to begin with educating myself on this process in 18 days because that's all of the time I have to respond in writing--to who, I don't even know.

I went to an Al-Anon meeting last night and didn't say a word because I didn't know where to start. All I kept thinking, was , man do I need a sponsor. How do I get a sponsor? Surely someone has been in this same exact situation before...and how can I let go of control where my child is involved? This little girl has already endured too much. Since November, her life has not involved any yelling, screaming, or hitting. When someone raises their voice in her presence, she stops and looks with this look of terror. It's heartbreaking. I guess this is where I continue saying the serenity prayer and TRUST that my higher power has my back (and this little girls)...I usually don't ask for advice and I know that's not what Al-anon is for, but, if anyone has any ideas, please suggest. Thanks.